Delayed Reaction

A while before my first book was published I was checking out Christian-run video game review sites wondering if writing reviews was in my future. To test out the waters I wrote a video game review for Guide 2 Games and submitted it, and it just recently received approval… five years later.

I have to admit I have mixed feelings about it. A kind of proud smile with one raised eye-brow. I don’t think it’s a reflection on how long it took them to read through the review, though it’s possible that they’re even more analytical than I am.

Unfortunately the game is so old by now that a review is kind of rendered pointless, though it stands as an example of the kind of things I would look for when doing a video game review for a Christian site. So if that kind of work does pop up in my future, at least I have a sample to show to potential clients.

Here’s the link! http://guide2games.org/2015-reviews/6041/star-wars-the-force-unleashed-ultimate-sith-edition/

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Busier Time

I’ve been very quiet on my blog lately, and I think it’s time I should explain the cause.

 

The reason is I’ve been writing – just not in this particular location. It’ll be two years this June since my last book publication, and I’ve been working to have more material to offer to my readership. A number of projects got started and put on hold in light of more urgent projects, until I finally settled into the 4-year forecast that I have now.

One of the things that I learned last year, even through the personal struggles that made last year so difficult, is that I can write and prepare at least one full-sized novel in less than a year. So it’s become my goal now to develop a rhythm of getting one book published each year. But I also (God willing) have a sabbath year coming up in 2017 (my 14th year of being a writer), in which I would only be doing creative, first draft writing without editing or trying to publish anything. So to make up for it in advance, I’m hoping to have three books out over the next two years, if possible.

Two books I have lined up already. The third I’m not sure about. Something drew me back to the first novel I ever wrote (at the age of 19) which is a fricken ginormous book that’s over a decade old now, and needs serious revision considering everything I’ve learned about writing since then. I don’t know that it would be ready before the sabbath year starts, but there are other, smaller stories I could probably complete instead if it came to that.

So what are the other two books? Well next year’s I still want to be quiet about for now, but for this year I’m planning a space exploration mystery. I’ve always been enthralled by movies like 2001: Space Odyssey and Moon and Pandorum – stories set in space where something has gone wrong and the crew has to try and figure it out. I’ve been wanting for a while to try my hand at it. I also watched a lot of Star Trek: TNG to keep myself in the mood. I should have more information on that project in the next few months.

Well, I just wanted to keep you guys up-to-date. Thank you for your patience and continued support. And now that I’ve talked about my plans, God is probably laughing somewhere. But that’s okay, I’ll try to work with surprises.

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Deep Question #7

If a penny saved is a penny earned, do I have to claim that as income?

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Survival

Peeta Mellark. The Hunger Games

“I just don’t want them to change me…turn me into something I’m not…If I’m gonna die, I wanna still be me.” – Peeta Mellark

 

I finally got around to watching The Hunger Games, and this particular scene stood out to me. It brought stark clarity to a principal we hear all the time but don’t know why. “Be yourself”, “Stay true to who you are”, “Follow your heart” – this is the kind of fluffy, cliche advice we keep hearing over and over without any real sense of significance or application. But occasionally someone comes along and finds a way to articulate the meaning behind it in a way that actually cuts to the matter of things.

 

It’s like this: Peeta’s not a cold blooded killer. But the Hunger Games are all about kill-or-be-killed. He did not ask to be part of the Games, and he knows that unless he is willing to commit murder he will likely not survive. So what does he do? He makes a choice to remain who he is.

Why?

Because he understands something a lot of us don’t follow. If he is not a murderer, but if he decides to do that in order to survive, then he is not really surviving. He does not walk out of there alive. The person he is dies as soon as he kills, and the person who walks away is just a stranger wearing his skin. It’s not worth changing who he is as a person just so that his physical body can carry on.

 

Now, for most of us it is not a matter of should we commit murder or not – the choices we face are much more subtle – but it is a question of character regardless. How many times in life do we get offered shortcuts, the easy way, instant success, at the cost of something that’s vital to who we are? We think we have no choice, because it’s the opportunity we’ve been waiting for, or it looks like the only route to success. If it’s what we’ve been waiting for then it seems like it would be out of our character not to do it, but in the process we have to sacrifice some aspect of our personality. If we do then it is not really us who gets that promotion, that opportunity, that area of influence, it is just someone who looks like us. The real us died in order to get there.

 

Don’t lose yourself in order to get what you want. If it is meant to be then it will come in time, but when it happens make sure that it is actually you who gets there – you who holds that position of leadership – you who survives.

 

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That’ll Show ‘Em

My gift to you all this special day –

Kit Lambert. The Who

Merry Christmas, everyone!

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Interview on Daytime Durham

Benj and Sarah on Rogers TV crop

I was recently interviewed by Sarah Newcomb on Daytime Durham to talk about some of the challenges of living on the Autism Spectrum. As this was my first time speaking on live television it was quite a milestone for me and I’d like to share it with everyone. 🙂

 

I haven’t watched it myself yet – I’m still too nervous – but I’ve included the link below and maybe one day I’ll work up the courage to watch myself. :p

 

http://rogerstv.com/page.aspx?lid=237&rid=2&gid=219063

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God’s Approval

Ever had one of those days where you accomplish so much, and yet it’s not enough? Your day is full of hard work and achievements with hardly any time to rest, and yet when it gets late at night you can’t sleep because you feel like you haven’t done enough?

Maybe for some of you it isn’t days – it’s weeks, years, or entire seasons of your life that get filled with so much accomplishment and even praise from others and yet it never feels like enough.

I had one of those days recently. My day started early and ended late and was full of work I had done for my own agenda as well as others. There’s nothing more fulfilling than giving yourself for another. And yet at the end of the day all I could think about was what didn’t get done.

Because I’m the contemplative type I took some time to ask myself why. Why was I depriving myself of rest? Why couldn’t I find satisfaction in the work I had done? Why wasn’t it enough?

It occurred to me that I still seek God’s approval, which was not necessarily new information. Perfectionism is an old enemy for me, and I have managed in past years to overcome a lot of habits of perfectionist thinking that used to drain me, but some old habits die harder than others.

That wasn’t the big revelation. The big revelation for me was how pointless it is for me to even try working for God’s approval. As a Christian, God’s approval of me is not based on anything I’ve done, but on what Christ has done. When God looks at me, He sees Christ. He sees everything that Christ accomplished in His life and in His death and in His resurrection.

There is no point in me working for God’s approval, because since His approval of me is based on the work of Christ I can never fail so badly that I lose that approval. My failures can never outweigh Christ’s accomplishments. The only reason for performing for approval would be if I hoped to earn more approval than I already have by performing better than Christ did, which is also impossible, at least for me.

The conclusion? Well obviously to sit on my ass all day and play video games until I die choking on a Cheeto and God says “Well done, good and faithful servant.” No, but actually with the pressure of approval off the table I find I’m in a better position to get work done. If I’m no longer worried about whether or not my work will get me approved, I’m free to do the work God has for me just for the sake of the work itself, and how I can help others. And I generally find that’s when I’m the most productive anyway.

Posted in Personal, Spiritual | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

“The Chiefest and Greatest of Calamities”

Smaug. Dragon. The Hobbit

“Spectacle” used to be a common word in cinema, something that had to be seen on the big screen, something more than just a movie, something you experienced. I don’t think I could use “spectacle” to describe a lot of recent movies, but The Desolation of Smaug was definitely an experience. If for no other reason, it clarified vividly for me what it would be like to be in the presence of a dragon. Dragons have of course been portrayed countless times in film, but none have captured the essence and soul of a dragon quite like Peter Jackson.

It occurred to me the second time I watched it (the first time I was too amazed to think) just how inspirational and useful this portrayal of Smaug is for writers who wish to write in the fantasy genre. For me, there is the technical issue of this version of Smaug having the anatomy of a Wyvern (two legs and two wings instead of four legs and two wings) but this interpretation of dragons is becoming more popular anyway with other fantasy worlds like Skyrim, and I give Peter a pass here because no wyvern is that fricking huge, or even that intelligent.

But what strikes me most about this portrayal of Smaug is his personality. The nature of dragons can change drastically depending on which tales you want to derive your inspiration from. Most portray them as little more than large, fire-breathing lizards, and it suits those tales well enough. Some raise them to an almost god-like status, but the more popular and more traditional tales place them somewhere in between on the power hierarchy. Tolkien himself seemed to equate their power with that of the Balrogs (or highly powerful warrior-angels). An inherent sense of power and lust for precious things is a recurring trait.

Even little nuances in this Smaug reflect important factors in the common natures of dragons, like the fact that he makes sly remarks but never actually laughs, indicating a sense of wit but not necessarily a sense of humour. It’s a fine line, but an important distinction, and perfectly fits the personality of a creature that is intellectually superior to humans but still technically classed as an animal or a beast.

Another nuance being his almost supernatural appreciation of treasures, as if he can sense the value of an object and therefore wants to possess it. He senses the presence of Bilbo’s ring, though describes its worth more than its power. And the ability to detect any item that’s been stolen from his possession is mentioned in the book itself.

A more obvious personality trait is of course his obsession with his own majesty, and refusal to let his name go unpraised, even if he fully intends to eat the one praising him.

Of course, I could also be reading into this a lot more than what the writers intended. But I’m a writer myself, it’s my nature to read into things and draw inspiration from various places however likely or unlikely they may be. This portrayal of Smaug has given me a new and deeper appreciation for the characteristics of dragons – a picture not only of their appearance and power but of their heart as well.

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Soulcalibur 5 Custom Characters (part 3)

A collection of custom characters I designed using the Creation mode in Soulcalibur 5. As a fiction writer the Soulcalibur franchise has proven to be a useful tool for visualizing my characters and seeing what looks good and what doesn’t. Most of these pictures however are just interpretations of others’ characters. Enjoy!

Android 18. Dragon Ball Z. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comAndroid 18. Dragon Ball Z. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.com

Android Eighteen

Mystique. X-Men. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comMystique. X-Men. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.com

Mystique

Ronan. Marvel Comics. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comRonan. Marvel Comics. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comRonan. Marvel Comics. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.com

Ronan from Marvel Comics

Fran. Final Fantasy XII. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comFran. Final Fantasy XII. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.com

Fran from Final Fantasy XII

Puss In Boots. Shrek. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comPuss In Boots. Shrek. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comPuss In Boots. Shrek. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.com

Puss In Boots

The Joker. Batman. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comThe Joker. Batman. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comThe Joker. Batman. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comThe Joker. Batman. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.com

The Joker

(Combining the traditional look with a scarred face)

Harley Quinn. Batman. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comHarley Quinn. Batman. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comHarley Quinn. Batman. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comHarley Quinn. Batman. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comHarley Quinn. Batman. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.com

Harley Quinn

Victorian Tiefling. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comVictorian Tiefling. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comVictorian Tiefling. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comVictorian Tiefling. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comVictorian Tiefling. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comVictorian Tiefling. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comVictorian Tiefling. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comVictorian Tiefling. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.com

Victorian Tiefling

The Winter Soldier. Captain America. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comThe Winter Soldier. Captain America. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comThe Winter Soldier. Captain America. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comThe Winter Soldier. Captain America. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comThe Winter Soldier. Captain America. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comThe Winter Soldier. Captain America. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comThe Winter Soldier. Captain America. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.comThe Winter Soldier. Captain America. Made using Creation mode in Soul Calibur 5. benjaminfrog.com

The Winter Soldier

(Part 1)

(Part 2)

(Part 4)

(Soulcalibur 4 Custom Characters)

(Soulcalibur 6 Custom Characters)

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Deep Question #6

What does snot smell like?

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