Benjamin T. Collier's Blog

What I’ve Learned from a Decade of Battling Depression

Posted on August 11, 2026 by benjaminfrog

A person disappearing in a fog. Image by perspicacious_esthete found on Pixabay

The year 2012 had long been theorized to be the end of the world.

Or, at least, the end of the world as we knew it.

We know better now. 2012 came and went over a decade ago, and the world still turns. But why does it feel like it ended for me regardless?

Although the worst of it came in 2013, it is accurate to say that my own world was already falling apart by 2012. A lot of assumptions about life, love, friends, and faith, all shattered within a 12-month period. I did not recognize the world I lived in anymore. Worse yet, for a man of faith, I didn’t recognize my God anymore.

Christians have a term for times like this – it’s called the ‘Dark Night of the Soul.’ It’s generally considered a testing period, and it generally only lasts for a time, with some major insight and renewed faith to be discovered on the other side.

For me, this “Night” has lasted over 10 years – a quarter of my life – and shows no sign of ending anytime soon.

What do I do with that?

That’s one of many questions I’ve been wrestling with in these past 10 years. One of the reasons it’s taken me so long to put these thoughts to paper is because I’ve been waiting until I had the promised happy ending. I wanted to be able to show people that I’m okay – that the Dark Night is over – that I’ve gained some great faith and insight after all of this – and that it was somehow all worth it in the end.

I am unable to say that.

And so, I have kept silent, thinking it better not to say anything on the matter for fear of spreading discouragement rather than messages of hope. I am, after all, despite all of this, still a professing Christian. I still find hope in the hereafter, but not in the here now – and I still consider that a problem. It’s off-brand. I don’t like the sound of it.

But more and more I am being reminded that I am not the only person, religious or not, who struggles with depression. And I’ve reached the point that remaining silent about my experiences is beginning to feel selfish. Because even though I have not yet found a way out of my particular Dark Night, I have, at the very least, some perspective.

The title I chose is apt. I have been battling depression for 10 years. I have yet to win a decisive victory and slay this depression, so I have no personal advice to give on how to win. But I have learned plenty about how to battle. I have learned how to stay in the fight. I have learned to keep my head above water. That feels worth sharing.

There’s a few core subjects to discuss, I’ll start with the advice I offer to those struggling, then move on to advice for friends and family of those struggling.

Word for those struggling

Things to look forward to

One thing that has helped me on an ongoing basis is having a system of things to look forward to. For the most part it has been…

1 big thing a month: a party, starting a new game or show, going to the movies, etc.

1 ‘medium sized’ thing a week: a cheat meal, a new episode for your favourite show, a date night, get together with friends/family, etc.

(And, although this wasn’t part of the plan when first conceived, I would add…)

1 small thing a day: if not a new episode, then maybe a rerun of your favourite show, a new episode of your ‘almost favourite’ shows, gaming time, quality time with your family or partner, etc.

Basically, a reason to get up in the morning. Lord knows I have needed those on some days.

The reason I only had the ‘1 big thing a month and one medium thing a week’ system when I first thought of it was because that system was completely fulfilled with wrestling. I don’t know all of the reasons why, but just before Covid-19 (an era which certainly did not help) I had rediscovered my enjoyment of pro wrestling. At the time, I could get the channel for the Premium Live Events held once a month, and one of the two television shows that air once a week.

When I stopped to contemplate this, I realized how fortuitous it was. It meant that, no matter what day of the week or month of the year, I always had something not too far away to look forward to. I would often combine my cheat meals with those events so that I had more reason to get excited. It made a big difference.

Treat yourself

You deserve it.

And even if you don’t feel you deserve it – do it for the people who want to see you happy. I don’t mean splurge on everything you fancy, but if you struggle to treat yourself then it might be time to develop the habit.

I do have more to say about this as a practice, something to help you get into the habit of it if this is a struggle for you, but it’s a longer discussion that feels like it requires its own post, so I will add that later.

Give yourself grace

One of the positive things to have come out of this depression is that I believe it has taught me grace, both for myself and others. Having to face my own pain so directly, I’ve come to have a greater appreciation for the fact that, to some degree or another, everyone is struggling.

I had been forced to recognize my own need for grace, and, in so doing, recognize the grace that others around me need as well. We are all trying to navigate this effed-up thing known as Reality – as Life – the normal state of a broken world. The systems are not perfect, and the ways we have to navigate them are not perfect either. If I can be honest with myself about my own shortcomings and need for grace from those around me, I should be able to do the same for others.

It’s become a lot harder to hate people, after this development. Sure, I can still be pissed off. I can still recognize that some people are just plain ***holes. And I don’t excuse the behaviour itself, but I do seem to have more grace, even for those who don’t seem like they deserve any.

Because I am undeserving too.

But I don’t beat myself up about it anymore, so I shouldn’t be too harsh with others either.

Celebrate Milestones

No matter the scale of the accomplishment, or anniversary of the event, milestones help put time in perspective, which can help with moving on and moving forward. And celebrations make it easier to mark those milestones in the mind. It’s also an excuse to treat yourself, which is also important (more on that later).

The significance of an anniversary, especially if it’s a painful memory, is that, from an astronomical perspective, the world is in the same place it was when the event happened. But that’s only looking at Earth’s orbit around the Sun. There is also the Solar System’s journey through the cosmos, which makes orbital patterns less like repeating circles and more like an elaborate helix. Even if the world is in the same place it was a year ago in relation to the Sun, the entire Solar System is still on the move. You’re never exactly where you were a year ago.

Acknowledge your triggers

Learning to recognize your emotional triggers, and having healthy ways to deal with them, is an important part of depression survival. It’s also important to know when the right solution is healthy avoidance, or bracing yourself against it. Realistically, not every potential trigger can be avoided. My own depression is linked to lifelong singleness. Love stories are my trigger – every single one – no matter how genuine or corny. Realistically, I can’t avoid love stories altogether – not in my line of work that requires story research. (Romance is a pretty popular genre.) So, I practice healthy avoidance in the areas where I can – and brace myself when I can’t.

Schedule time with friends/family

This can be part of your 1 thing a day/month planning. It can also be a part of your milestone celebrations if you wish. It’s partly about staying connected with people you care about and who care about you, but is also about providing a way for your loved ones to check in on you, get updates if necessary, and see if there is anything you need.

You may not feel like it at times, but I encourage you to spend that time with loved ones regardless. Even if you’re still in the midst of a depression with no visible out yet, it does your loved ones good to at least see you in person. And if they genuinely care about you, you’ll feel that too. It refreshes both of you.

Sometimes it’s chemical

I am aware that sometimes there is no discernable reason for an individual to be depressed and, upon more scientific inspection, it is revealed to simply be a chemical imbalance. And sometimes chemical treatments can help. I am not a doctor, and you should consult one before going down that road.

I have heard from two different people who have taken these medications, one felt better, and the other felt worse – both in the same family. So, it’s not a guarantee, one way or another, as far as how the individual will respond to the medications, even among relatives with similar physiology. A doctor should always be consulted beforehand.

In my case, I am well aware of the cause of my depression, and chemicals won’t change that. Even if they were able to force a better mood out of me from time to time, I would know that it’s a hollow feeling, and I think internally the depression would get worse.

Review warning signs of suicidal despression

To put it lightly, there’s depression, and then there’s ‘the danger zone’ known as suicidal depression. And a person can be in the danger zone without anyone even realizing it, including themselves. Because, believe it or not, there are more signs of suicidal depression than suicide attempts – and recognizing these early and acknowledging the danger zone can help prevent things from getting worse.

After doing some research online, I’ve compiled a list of common signs (though not a complete list) …

Withdrawing from friends and family.

Increased consumption of drugs or alcohol.

Taking extreme risks.

Feeling like a burden to others.

General negative self-view.

Feeling trapped/hopeless.

Everything feeling pointless.

Rage/Mood swings.

Changes in sleeping patterns.

Self-harm.

Visualizing and planning out how to do it.

Giving away valuable possessions and writing a will.

That last one is more innocent-looking, because we see this often with grandparents and other elderly figures. They do it because they sense their time is short. If this is happening with someone younger, it may be a sign.

Two friends holding hands. Image by AndPan614 found on Pixabay

Words for friends and family of those struggling

I want to spend some time now to offer words of advice for all the friends and family of those struggling with depression. A healthy support group can go a long way in helping healing, giving those suffering a place they feel they can heal in their own way, and it helps to understand some of what they’re going through.

“The best medecine”

When someone you care about is going through a hard time like this, it’s easy to fall into the temptation to believe everything is okay as soon as you see them laugh – especially if it’s a genuine, warm laugh. As a nurturer, I understand this temptation all too well – there is a feeling of relief when they laugh, because it feels like a reason to assume that all is well again.

Do not mistake the medicine for the cure.

Don’t get me wrong. Laughter is great. Laughter is important. For someone battling depression, laughter makes for one of the best life preservers – but that’s all it is. I am very fortunate to have been able to hold on to my sense of humour. It’s a floatation device. It keeps my head above water. It stops me from drowning.

I am still in the middle of the ocean with no land or ship in sight. I don’t even know what direction to swim. I feel like I’m paddling in circles. All I can do is keep my head above water. And laughter helps a lot with that.

Misdirected hope

This is one of the least Christian-sounding things I’ll have to say on the subject of depression, but it needs saying for the sake of those struggling. And note that it may be different for those who have just begun their journey with depression compared to those (like myself) who have had to deal with this darkness for far too long and so the idea of hope looks different from here.

Keeping in mind that, as I said off the top, I have been battling depression for over a decade – over a quarter of my entire life has been spent in this battle – it has become the new normal. Depression for a few months or a few years is one kind of animal. More than a decade of depression can cause some unsettling perspective shifts. What I am about to say is coming from that place of being in the Dark Night of the Soul for (hopefully) far longer than most people will ever have to endure.

To say, “Put your hope in God” no longer feels like hope. It feels like resignation and condemnation to the state of depression.

I can see why it might help early on in a depression, but after this long it begins to look a lot different.

And again, don’t misunderstand. It has nothing to do with questioning God’s power or authority over everything. I have never questioned those. But if God is, always has been, and always will be in control, and X still occurred, then what reason is there to assume that I won’t go through the same pain again, or worse, or that there will ever be an end to the pain I’m in now, simply from Him continuing to be on the throne?

In other words, if I put my hope in God because I was trusting Him to protect me from certain things, and those things still happened, what is there left to put my hope in Him for? He’s already let me down where I needed His protection most in this life. And if it’s happened before, why not again?

So, unfortunately, as much as it might sound like the right thing to say, it won’t help someone as deep into depression as I am, especially if they have already been a person of faith for a long time.

I know it might sound like an exaggeration. Technically, where I, as a Christian, need God most is in the context of Jesus’s sacrifice for me keeping me safe in the afterlife. And I don’t downplay that, but it can’t all be about the next life either, because of the reason I am about to discuss next.

Dangerous sentiment

Do not resort to the “It’ll all be better in heaven” sentiment.

At least, not on its own. For someone battling a severe depression, this is actually one of the most dangerous things you can say. People battling depression need hope for today – they need hope for this life – not only for the next one. If they start to believe that the only relief to be found is in death then death will become a much stronger temptation. It’s okay and good that there are things to look forward to in the next life, but there must be something for this life too.

One of the warning signs of suicidal depression is the feeling that there is nothing to live for. They need encouragement that there are things in this life to enjoy, not to feel that death is the only escape.

It’s not you

One of the dangers for family and friends of those living with depression is that they can internalize it, feeling as though this grief experienced by another is somehow their fault. Statistically, it is likely not anything you have done or are not doing. More often than not, it is simply about elements in the individual’s life that they feel they have no control over.

They may lash out at you. Hurt people hurt people. Give them grace, as I have told them before to give themselves grace. If their world is falling apart, they may lash out at anything they can name. Don’t take it personally.

How much is too much?

It’s a common question when seeing someone fall into depression, especially if beforehand they were known widely for their optimism. Whatever it is that’s got them down, why couldn’t they just hold on a little longer? After all, how long is too long? How much is too much?

I get it.

It’s such an abstract concept. There usually isn’t a specific length of time to point to and say, “This specific amount is too much.” And without that, easy for observers, and even for ourselves, to assume that ‘just keep trucking on’ is no less a viable option than it was months or even years ago. If there is no specific sign anywhere saying ‘Beyond this point is hopeless despair,’ then how do you know you’ve crossed it? And if you don’t know, why not just assume you haven’t? Assume you never will. It’s not a real place anyway.

My parents are both British. I have British genes and was raised with British ideals. ‘Just keep carrying on’ is one of the foundational starting points of my entire worldview and approach to life, since basically my beginning. And I took that perspective into my depression, trying to be positive, look on the bright side, and stave off those darker levels of depression, for as far as I could.

I went for years assuming I would never run out of whatever kept me from getting worse. I assumed that even if I did ever pass whatever abstract, intangible point was the breaking point, I could simply keep going, oblivious to any such threshold or its presumed impact on me.

Having gone through what I’ve gone through, I can tell you, that even without having a specific amount to point at and say ‘This is too much,’ – there absolutely is such a thing as the straw that broke the camel’s back.

What makes it so worrying is in fact the fact that there isn’t a specific amount to point to, because that means you don’t generally know it’s there until you’ve crossed it. But you know. When it happens, you know. You feel it. You perceive it. Something internal just kind of snaps, and suddenly nothing is the same, there’s no motivation, and there is no perceived hope.

One way of looking at it is, “It’s just a ton of straws. One more straw is no more dangerous than the straw before it.” But another, perfectly valid perspective is, “It’s still a ton. At some point, of course the back is going to break. It was bound to happen.”

I bring this up, partially to talk back to anyone who wants to tell me, “Simply tough it out,” but also for the sake of others who keep being told the same thing. If you are broken, it is not because you were weak, it is because a ton is too much. And if your friend is struggling, and it seems to you like all they need to do is ‘look on the bright side just a little longer,’ and you think they’re weak because they broke under the pressure, you don’t know what it felt like for them to carry that weight for as long as they have. You don’t know what their breaking point is, nor how long they’ve been on this side of it. Most of us don’t know for ourselves, because it is in fact such an abstract thing.

Respect the effort they’ve put into keeping going. That’s a starting point. If they don’t believe that you believe they’ve been struggling, they won’t take any advice of yours seriously.

There is more I can share about my experiences, and I may do that it a future post. This one is long enough as is, and I felt it important to first talk about what I have found helpful to me, before going into further detail on some of the specific struggles I’ve had.

Thank you for reading. I hope this has been helpful.

This is a collection of material I originally posted on Medium. You can see this link for the original article.

Posted in Personal, Spiritual | Tagged anxiety, Battling Depression, Christian, Depression, God, life, Mental Health | Leave a comment

New Book Release! – ‘Fairies Vs. Automatons’

Posted on May 31, 2025 by benjaminfrog

Long after the fall of civilization, fairytale endings are hard to come by, because without anyone left who believes in fairies, their magic is beginning to run out.

All hope seems lost until an adventurous little fairy named Chrys finds a radio distress signal coming from what sounds to be the last living human! There’s just one problem – the signal is coming from a city overrun with automatons – dangerous robots who view fairies as nothing more than a pest to be exterminated!

Together with her friends, Coral Bell, Cory, and Juniper Mim, the fairies set off on a rescue mission into the heart of enemy territory, making new friends (and enemies) along the way as they seek to restore the magic of all fairies!

Book 6 in the Horror Vs. Fantasy series is finally out!

This one took much longer than expected, which is a story in itself.

I had done the 50,000 words in one month, as I always had in the past for my NaNoWriMo projects (every book in the Horror Vs. Fantasy series so far), but in the last couple of days of the challenge, I realized I was nowhere near being able to properly finish the story with the time left. I had always written the draft, edited it, and had the whole book finished by the end of the month, but this time was different.

Once I knew what my project was going to be for 2024, I realized that, ultimately, I was going to be writing it for my mother. My mother loves three things – fairies, gardening, and post-apocolypse.

Okay, not just those three things, but those three things are included in her list.

The Horror Vs. Fantasy series is already post-apocalyptic by default – it has been since the first entry, with Book 5 putting a bit of a twist on it. And as I was looking through my lists of Fantasy and Horror creatures to match up against each other, I was intrigued by the idea of seeing how fairies would fare in a post-apocalyptic world. The idea of pitting them against man-made machines, and that both sides could be fighting for a very different future now that human civilization has crumbled, got me even more excited about this project.

Then came the idea, as I was piecing together my fairy lore, that all fairies would be born from flower blossoms and named after the flower (and colour of flower) that they’re born from. I spent a good chunk of the Spring, Summer, and Fall of last year helping my mother out with her gardening, asking her questions about different flowers, their names and traits, and writing down anything I liked the sound of.

This book is the fruit born from that time together.

This book features more than one twist on the series though. It’s kicking off what I am currently referring to as Phase 2, and there are a few things different about it.

Firstly, as alluded to, the book was not written in its entirety in the month of November. I did do the 50,000 words for NaNoWriMo, but there was still a lot more story to go – too much to wrap up even in a rush. And since this ended up being a passion project, I was not willing to rush through it. I continued writing into December, January, and even February – though at that point most of it was editing – with the objective of having a finished manuscript in time for my mother’s birthday. After that, the only additional changes I made were ones she specifically requested.

Secondly, it breaks the chronological order set by the first five books. I had made the decision, since every story was dealing with different conflicts in different parts of the world anyway, to have each book in Phase 1 be set earlier than the book before it, and tell these stories in reverse chronological order. There isn’t a ton of significance to that (until you get to Book 5), it was just a quirk I had decided on to add some unique flavour to the series.

Phase 2 is different though. Fairies Vs. Automatons is the first book in the series set after the events of all previous books, because what is at stake in this conflict is what kind of world we are going to have moving forward. Phase 1 was about looking back – Phase 2 is about looking ahead.

Not only that, but there are some direct sequels that I want to write in the future, and obviously it wouldn’t make sense for them to be set earlier than the original stories (or else they would be prequels). Fairies Vs. Automatons is a good book to kick off that new direction.

Lastly (but not leastly), when I looked at both sides of this conflict, I realized that I was in a rare position with this story to write it kid-friendly. Fairies typically appeal to younger audiences (and young at heart), and robots are not inherently scary (at least to kids). The decision to go with the term ‘automatons’ instead of robots was because I wanted to call back to the old 1960’s horror tropes of automated machine men taking over the planet. They represent more of an existential horror to grown ups than any kind of horror to children.

And so, just because I like a challenge and the opportunity to write different kinds of stories, I made the decision to try and write this book to be kid-friendly. It should be noted that I don’t have kids of my own, and it’s a long time now since I’ve been a kid, so I may not be sufficiently in the loop as far as knowing what qualifies as kid-friendly, but I have done my best.

It should also be noted that this book is unique in that regard, as far as the rest of the series is concerned. I would NOT recommend any other book in the Horror Vs. Fantasy series as reading material for children, nor will any of the future books be kid-friendly unless specifically stated. This is a one-off.

(Unless it sells well enough to change my mind.)

Little did I know this was also going to be my last NaNoWriMo ever – at least officially. As many of you, I was sad to hear that the organization that ran NaNoWriMo would be shutting down. I agree with their assessment that this does not mean that people will stop doing NaNoWriMo entirely, but there will no longer be a dedicated website for keeping track of word counts and supporting each other online.

It’s bitter sweet for me, as I am well aware that the projects I’ve been doing for this series are getting larger in scope (this one is the biggest so far at 264 pages), yet I am also well aware that if not for NaNoWriMo being around in its time, this series would not have started in the first place.

Book 1 – Vampires Vs. Dragons – was a concept that intrigued me, but I didn’t have a context for dedicating my time to such a bizarre project, until I remembered NaNoWriMo. The organization gave me the context I needed to start this series, and for that I am humbly grateful.

All that said, Fairies Vs. Automatons is now available for sale, and until June 9^th, 2025, it’s available at a reduced price – $9.74 USD – with the book returning to its normal price of $12.99 USD on the 9^th. You can find it on Amazon.

Thanks for reading!

Posted in Horror Vs. Fantasy, My Books, NaNoWriMo, Personal, Storytelling | Tagged Fairies, NaNoWriMo, Novel, Robots, Storytelling, Writing | 2 Comments

‘Aliens Vs. Wizards’ Playlist

Posted on April 23, 2024 by benjaminfrog

I listened to so many music tracks as I wrote Aliens Vs. Wizards. So much of the thematic inspiration came from the 80’s Techno genre and even modern tunes based off of it. I had gotten the TRON: Legacy soundtrack by Daft Punk for this very reason, and it did not disappoint. Many of the songs in the playlist are songs I had in mind for a long time, such as David Bowie’s ‘Modern Love’ for a particular scene that had played out in my head many times over the years, and I finally found a place for that scene in this novel.

This is a unique playlist, compared to ones I’ve posted here for my past novels, because there was actually a story within a story this time around, with so much of the opening revolving around the fictional film series ‘Cyborg Ninja’ which itself has a mini-soundtrack included here below the playlist for Aliens Vs. Wizards. The first movie would have come out in the 80’s, so the songs are all from around that era.

I’ve also updated my Pinterest Board for Aliens Vs. Wizards to include categories, naming each character or group, with a few new images added.

So without further ado, here is the playlist I created for Aliens Vs. Wizards (in sequential order)

Aliens Vs. Wizards Playlist

Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) – Journey (also part of the ‘Cyborg Ninja’ playlist)

Modern Love – David Bowie

Recognizer – the TRON: Legacy soundtrack by Daft Punk

Fashion [Single Version] – David Bowie

Rinzler – the TRON: Legacy soundtrack by Daft Punk

Killer Queen – Queen

The Game Has Changed – the TRON: Legacy soundtrack by Daft Punk

Rasputin – Boney M.

Rectifier – the TRON: Legacy soundtrack by Daft Punk

Snow White Queen – Evanescence

Fallout – Linkin Park

Use My Voice – Evanescence

To The Moon & Back – Savage Garden

Come Sail Away – Styx

‘Cyborg Ninja’ Mini-Playlist

Mr. Roboto – Styx

Radio Ga Ga – Queen

China Girl – David Bowie

I Want To Know What Love Is – Foreigner

What About Love? – Heart

Posted in Horror Vs. Fantasy, Music, My Books, NaNoWriMo, Pop Culture | Tagged 80's Music, Aliens, Aliens Vs. Wizards, daft-punk, Horror Vs. Fantasy, Music, Novel, Playlist, Techno Music, Wizards, Writing Inspiration | Leave a comment

New Book Release – Aliens Vs. Wizards

Posted on February 26, 2024 by benjaminfrog

After five straight years of NaNoWriMo-ing, the fifth installment in the ‘Horror Vs. Fantasy’ series is finally out for the world to see! Every other book in this shared-universe series has been set in a post-apocalyptic future Earth, but this one was set in modern day Toronto and New York. I figured a clash on this scale would be a globe-wrecking event in itself!

I also took a different approach with this one, beginning the focus on two ordinary best friends before all the chaos starts. I wanted to look at how this conflict impacts the average person, not just the wizards and aliens themselves.

I also had to be picky about what kinds of aliens and wizards I wanted to write. There are different kinds of each.

For the wizards, I wanted to go the direction of all out; eccentric; reality bending – the kind of wizards that would normally only be mentioned in old legends and that don’t exist in-world anymore because if they did they would be too powerful and it would break the story because the writers wouldn’t be able to figure out how to balance it. Then I wanted to come up with aliens powerful enough to balance them. (Yes, I wanted a challenge. Lol.)

For that very reason though, it was hard to find present examples of this in film or literature. It was easy to find good inspiration for quirky powers, items, and creatures, but most examples of direct magic battles amounted to little more than shooting sparks at each other until one of you turns out to have better sparks.

I was looking for examples of wizard combat that actually involved what wizards are known to do, like bizarre conjurations, environmental manipulation, reality-bending abilities.

The best source of inspiration for environmental manipulation was Avatar: The Last Airbender – the classic kids cartoon all about manipulating the elements. As far as how all of that would actually play out in a battle between masters, no other examples in fiction have ever come close.

For the aliens, I had to think very carefully about what kind of aliens to make them. They had to be at just the right scale in order to be on par with the wizards, keeping in mind that I knew I’d be writing approximately 7 wizard characters whereas the aliens have an entire army at their disposal.

A helpful tool to get started was the Kardashev Scale. Kardashev had determined a scaling system for determining a kind of technological power-level of a civilization by determining how much of its own environment it can control, and it largely involves the use of resources. Scale 1 is complete control over one’s own planet. Human civilization currently stands at Scale 0.75 or something, because we haven’t quite mastered proper utilization of Earth’s resources yet.

Scale 2 is complete control over a solar system, including the sun itself, harnessing its energy using a Dyson Sphere or Dyson Swarm and using that to power technology. I knew somewhere between Scale 2 and Scale 3 is where I wanted these aliens to land, because I wanted them capable of interstellar travel – being a conquering force spreading gradually across the Milky Way Galaxy – so somewhere early in Scale 2 made the most sense to me.

This book served as my opportunity to right my own version of a system-conquering nomadic alien species. I wanted to tap into what makes aliens scary, what the popular iterations of aliens are known for, and put my own spin on things. The species in this book is the result of that research and reflection.

I don’t want to say too much about them outside of the book, because one key component of aliens is that they are, by definition, other than. They are strange and unfamiliar, yet should share some commonalities with other organic life. I took all of these things into consideration when considering their design.

Another aspect though, specific to this type of alien civilization, is the event of the alien invasion. Unlike in other books I’ve done in this series, which normally shows significant amounts of both groups before getting into the big action pieces, I made the decision to not show the aliens until the invasion actually begins. The story goes on without them for some time. That way, when they do show up, prepared for war, it actually feels like an invasion.

The question has been raised, where do I go from here?

Book 5 essentially marks the completion of Phase 1 of this novel series. But I have many more ideas I’d like to flesh out.

This is going to be an expirimental year for me. I’m planning to try out a more chill version of NaNoWriMo this Spring, giving myself more leniency on the time limit as long as the wordcount-per-day is consistent. If I do it and it goes well, I may continue that tradition, while still doing NaNoWriMo in some form or other in the Fall as well. I did experience a degree of burnout after this past November, so I know now that I gotta watch my mental health. Writing isn’t the only thing I’m doing anymore. My most followed creative medium these days is my YouTube channel.

So I’m gonna try out some things and see what works. There’s definitely more I want to do with this series if I can manage the time to do it.

Thank you for reading, and for your interest in my stories!

You can find Aliens Vs. Wizards on Amazon at this link.

You can also check out other books in the series by taking a look at my Books by Benjamin T. Collier page.

Posted in Horror Vs. Fantasy, My Books, NaNoWriMo, Personal, Storytelling, Writing | Tagged Aliens, books, Magic, NaNoWriMo, Novel, Sci-Fi, science-fiction, Storytelling, Wizards, Writing | 2 Comments

NaNoWriMo 2023 (and General Update on Me)

Posted on November 10, 2023 by benjaminfrog

How is everyone doing? Are you taking part in NaNoWriMo this year?

In the ever-changing landscape that is my work-life, I realize I haven’t been blogging as much. Most of my posting has been on Medium. I’ll give you a link to my Medium profile in case you want to follow me there. Some of my stories are free but others require a membership to read.

That’s not even where most of my focus has been though. My YouTube channel has had a notable increase in attention this past year. If I ever figure out the specific reason why then I’ll share my secrets, but right now they’re a secret to me as well. What’s been getting the most attention of late has been funny short clips – mostly of glitches I come across at random while playing video games.

It’s good news that the channel is getting so much more attention than it used to. What’s annoying is that when I first started on YouTube, funny shorts were one of the things I tried first. I moved on from there because those videos weren’t getting attention. It’s a good thing I decided all the sudden to try again! The internet is weird.

But that’s only one half of what this blog post is about. The other half is NaNoWriMo 2023!

As I said, I’m not posting on my blog as often anymore, but significant updates like this are something I still want to make sure I share on a free platform. And I’m ready to announce this year’s project…

‘Aliens Vs. Wizards’

This’ll be the fifth book in my ‘Horror Vs. Fantasy’ series, and the final book in what I’m referring to as ‘Phase 1.’ The series may go through some changes in the next phase – a lot depends on what kinds of turns life takes, so I’m not making any big announcements about the future yet. I just know that this particular story felt right as the last book in Phase 1, largely because (so far) every book in the series has been released in reverse-chronological order (i.e. each following book takes place before the one that came out the previous year). It doesn’t pose a problem because, even though it’s a shared universe, the stories have been for the most part disconnected from each other, not directly impacting each other. It’s a pattern that has worked for now, but it won’t make as much sense to continue it with future books if the series goes in the direction I currently have planned for it (again, depending on how things go over the next few years – I gotta be open to changing my plans).

So how is this year’s project going so far? It seems to be going okay. As I type this out, I’m currently at 15029 words out of the 50,000 that I need by the end of the month. I’m on track wordcount-wise – that’s not what worries me – what worries me is how little of the story I feel like I’ve gotten into, even with so many words already written down.

It’s because I’m spending a lot more time on introduction this time around, and setting the stage for the big action sequences without having much action at the start. I’m spending more time on the Status Quo opening portion of the story so that when the alien invasion eventually occurs it actually feels like an invasion.

But I think the lack of early action is throwing me off of my usual sense of story pacing, since I normally use those conflicts as my kind of milestones to tell me how far into the story I am.

I’m not too worried though. I don’t have much farther to go now before getting into the heavy stuff. And I know from previous projects that I tend to pick up the writing pace as I get closer to the end of a story. I may get over the 50,000 word mark before the story actually finishes, but in plenty of time to get the story finished by the end of the month.

I’ve recently made my Pinterest Board for this project public. It’s already given me considerable inspiration. I’ve also got a music playlist I may share later once I have a more solid idea of what songs to use. Lot’s of 80’s style electronica. The music of David Bowie and the Tron: Legacy soundtrack have been serving me well.

Are you participating in NaNoWriMo this year? How’s your project coming along? Let me know in the comments! I’d love to hear from you 🙂

Posted in Horror Vs. Fantasy, My Books, NaNoWriMo, Personal, Storytelling, Writing | Tagged NaNoWriMo, Novel, Storytelling, Writing | Leave a comment

Dwarves Vs. Mummies (New Book Release!)

Posted on February 13, 2023 by benjaminfrog

I just barely missed January for the release date, but I can now say that Dwarves Vs. Mummies is available on Amazon. (eBook to come shortly.) The latest novel in the Horror Vs. Fantasy series, as NaNoWriMo projects go, this one was maybe the most challenging.

Clocking in at over 59,000 words by the time I finished, it’s certainly the longest novel in the series. I can probably blame that on the fact that, in terms of story arc, I was essentially trying to write a season of an anime in one month.

Going back a year or so, when I was deciding how to approach the story, I was struggling to know what kind of powers and personalities to attribute to the mummies to make them interesting. Inspiration didn’t really hit me until I had the thought of connecting each mummy’s powers to one of the Ten Plagues of Egypt, and writing them as if they were villains from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure. That combination of details put my imagination to work immediately.

The dwarves, on the other hand, well I already had a pretty good idea of how I was going to approach them, covering the range of types I’ve encountered from traditional fantasy warriors to steampunk mechanics and wizardry too. In fact, I believe the very first concept I had was for a shorter dwarf in a mech suit – that became Dwilia.

The story ended up not only revolving around the conflicts between packs of dwarves and mummies, but involved the collection of magical items as well. New for me, and it put a different spin on the flow of the story. There were far more battles than usual, and I ended up dividing the novel into shorter chapters of 20 instead of the longer 10 chapters I use for most books in this series. It was a challenge to properly pace myself in order to not just reach the minimum 50,000 word count by the end of the month but actually have the story completed.

But there’s more news…

The release of this novel marks my 10^th published solo-authored book! I am now a 10-time published author, which wasn’t a specific goal I had in mind when I first began this journey about 20 years ago now. I think at the time I planned to just publish a few mega-popular ones and become an instant millionaire. I’ve had to adjust my expectations a bit since then xD

I knew ahead of time what this book would mean, if I didn’t get another book published beforehand, and asked myself if I really wanted Dwarves Vs. Mummies to be my 10-book milestone. I was like, ‘Yeah, because Ten Plagues of Egypt. It fits!’ Hopefully my readers don’t compare my books to plagues, but I suppose that’s for the critics to decide.

The book can be purchased through Amazon if you’re interested.

And I’ve also put together a Pinterest board for visual aid.

Thank you for reading! 🙂

Posted in Horror Vs. Fantasy, My Books, NaNoWriMo, Personal, Writing | Tagged Dwarves, Dwarves Vs. Mummies, Mummies, NaNoWriMo, Novel, Storytelling, Writing | Leave a comment

NaNoWriMo 2022 (The Experience This Year)

Posted on December 5, 2022 by benjaminfrog

How did everyone’s NaNo project go this year?

Mine was down to the wire, making updates literally up to the last half hour before midnight. Despite intending to blog more about the experience while NaNo is still going on, I’ve been finding each year that I have less and less time to devote to blog posts. I may have to change my approach for the next year.

Why did I have so little time? A couple of reasons. Life in general is busier this year, but I also failed to realize ahead of time how much more work I was giving myself with the amount of content I wanted to put into the story.

The minimum requirement for NaNoWriMo, traditionally, is 50,000 words. I always go over as I come up with a bit more story to tell, but this year was a new record with over 58,000 words.

The culprit? – Fight scenes.

I had decided to take a specific approach to the narrative for this project, which ended up having a more anime feel in some areas. As a result, there were a lot more individual fights in this story rather than the large group battles that take up most of the action in other novels I’ve written.

The problem is, I can easily get caught up in fight choreography, and once I started certain fights I didn’t know when to stop for my own good. Hopefully people have as much fun reading it as I did writing it (but without the stress).

Lessons Learned

1. Year-long inspiration intake. Once again I ran out of time to complete all of the planned inspiration intake, so I think what I’m going to do this next year is actually do inspiration intake year-round (assuming I know what I’m going to write about, which I believe I do), and then just take special note of anything I feel would be worth a second look, or good for mood setting, closer to the actual time of the project.

2. Fewer fights. The importance of experimentation and learning from the experience has once again proven itself. I tried writing a more duel-heavy story and the results speak for themselves as far as the time crunch.

I’ve learned the Five Fight system of storytelling actually helps me to stay on track with knowing how much of the story there still is to go – The Introductory Fight (to let the audience see what kind of action normally happens in this world), The **** Hits the Fan Fight (where the first thing goes horribly wrong and sets up the events for the rest of the story), The Bulk Fight (representing the kind of action you want the audience to think of when they think of the majority of the story; this is also usually where the protagonist has their first real battle with whatever new circumstances are in their life, whatever group they’ve just teamed up with, or whatever new ability they’ve gained), The Prelude (where normally some sort of **** hits the fan again, setting up the scenario for the final battle), and at last The Final Battle (often consisting of one large scale conflict between two massive groups, with other individual battles happening within it – this is also where any personal conflicts generally get resolved before closing the story).

Yeah, I completely threw that formula out the window for this year’s project, and the struggle to know my place in the story was real as a result of that.

3. The importance of stepping away from the project to give it some stress-free thought. It sounds contradictory, since I felt so busy and so short on time, but most of my best ideas for this project came to me either long before November, or during breaks where I was able to step away from the computer for a bit, get my fingers out of reach of the keyboard and go for a walk.

I ended up being sick for the first three weeks, and even in my down time I didn’t feel like going for walks as often as I normally would. On rare occasions I couldn’t walk at all without discomfort, and ended up practically glued to the computer. It’s one thing to be focused on just getting the writing done, but without allowing my brain to change tracks now and then my creative side couldn’t get the exercise it sorely needed.

4. Staying ahead of quota relieves pressure. I think I already knew this, and tried to implement it as often as I could, but with starting the month sick it wasn’t always easy. But once I could make a day’s quota, I did find that the rest of my writing for the day was freer and therefore more open to my brain’s creative input.

5. Pacing by Chapters instead of Word Count when the story gets away from me. Sometimes during NaNo I find that I’m on track with my word count but behind with how much story I have left to tell. Dividing the story into chapters, knowing what story beats I want to hit in each chapter, helped me get a sense of how much more work I needed to do each day to catch up. (This only matters if you have a deadline to finish the project, like I do, but it’s not part of the standard NaNoWriMo experience.)

How was your experience this year? Did you learn any good lessons for future projects? Let me know in the comments! I’d love to hear from you 🙂

Posted in Horror Vs. Fantasy, My Books, NaNoWriMo, Personal, Storytelling, Writing | Tagged NaNoWriMo, Novel, Storytelling, Writing, Writing Tips | Leave a comment

NaNoWriMo 2022 (Week 1)

Posted on November 4, 2022 by benjaminfrog

How is everyone’s NaNo project going?

Mine is going terrible!

At least that’s how I felt on Day 1, when I began this year’s NaNoWriMo with a cold so bad it was hard to think. Even getting a head start by working after midnight didn’t help me stay ahead of the work load.

Fortunately, I seem to be on the mend now, albeit slowly. Thinking capacity is back to normal levels (for me, anyway) and I’ve finally managed to get my daily word count on track 😀

And since this project is now officially underway, that means I’m ready for the big reveal.

This year’s Horror Vs. Fantasy project is (drum roll) …

Dwarves Vs. Mummies

One of the odder pairings, if I’m honest. The two groups have little to do with each other, apart both being underground and tending to have treasure nearby (oh, maybe more in common than I thought).

Neither group had been much on my radar until I decided I wanted to do this project, and even after that it took some time to get the creative ball rolling with knowing how to approach these characters as far as their personalities are concerned (not a lot of mummies with personalities in pop culture, ya know?)

It wasn’t until I got invested in a particular anime and its style of writing characters with bizarre abilities that I finally got an idea of how to approach them as characters.

Now that that hurdle is out of the way, I’m looking forward to seeing what I can do with these two groups.

I’ve got the Pinterest Board up and running now to help me out with some inspirational imagery.

As far as music, the best moodsetting for dwarves has basically been playing Led Zeppelin’s ‘Whole Lotta Love’ and ‘Immigrant Song’ on repeat (with one track from One Punch Man for some reason I can’t explain even to myself).

In much the same way as I had assigned AC/DC as the ‘official’ band of the goblins, I’ve come to associate Led Zeppelin with the dwarves. My larger playlist started off as just all Led Zeppelin tracks while I decided what else to add. It made for a good starting point.

How is your NaNo project coming along? Let me know in the comments! I’d love to hear from you 🙂

Posted in Horror Vs. Fantasy, Music, NaNoWriMo, Personal, Writing | Tagged Music, NaNoWriMo, Writing, Writing Fantasy | 1 Comment

NaNoWriMo 2022 (October Prep)

Posted on October 16, 2022 by benjaminfrog

NaNoWriMo has a different feel for me this year. I think because the lifting of Covid restrictions meant so many things opening back up and trying to get life in general back on track, I’m feeling the time crunch of everyday life more than I used to. So despite not as much inspirational intake to do this year, I’m still way behind on my list, and behind on several prep factors as well that I was supposed to have locked-down by this time.

As many of you already know, my theme for these NaNo projects is Horror Vs. Fantasy. The Horror group for this year’s project is Mummies, of which there wasn’t a ton of material to find. My primary source of cultural inspiration was Brendan Fraser’s ‘The Mummy’, and a few obscure selections for tonal inspiration.

I hadn’t expected to have trouble keeping up with things this November, but there is another big change this year compared to previous years, and that change is that my YouTube channel has gone from being a side thing to being my primary work. It’s become the platform on which I have the largest following, and maintaining a relatively steady stream of new material keeps me busy week to week. As a result, writing has gone from being my main focus to something I only do periodically. NaNoWriMo is a way of keeping those creative writing skills sharp by giving them a major exercise at least once a year.

Having come to Mummies, and having done Vampires, Werewolves, and Zombies in previous years, there was concern that I was reaching the end of the Horror barrel (or at least the OG classical monsters), but when I looked at the Horror genre as a whole and saw how many more categories of creatures and characters have come to be in more modern stories, I realized there’s a lot more to this landscape. Rather than getting short on ideas, I’m now debating whether or not I want to start making these projects a bi-annual thing in order to be able to fit all of these ideas into the foreseeable future.

I have some time before I decide on that, because next year’s project is already planned out and I don’t think I want to do another NaNo before then. It’s a decision that would be based on several factors including life circumstances and promptings for non-NaNo projects mid-year.

As for this year’s project, the character list has been done for a while, though I still have to finalize some minor details – oh, and also names XD. It’s surprisingly hard to come up with Egyptian names.

This week’s objective is to put together a skeleton plot with basic details for each scene – at least so that I have a rough idea of where I’m going with each new scene and have less blank screen syndrome.

For the final week in October I need a more detailed description of the opening scene (or whichever scene I plan to write first) so that I can hit the ground running on November 1^st. And also try to remember to wait at least an hour after midnight before I actually start so that the daylight savings shift that occurs in November doesn’t mess up my count like it did the first year – though that’s a technicality. (Also, why is Daylight Savings still a thing, really?)

How is your NaNo prep coming along? Let me know in the comments! I’d love to hear from you 🙂

Posted in Horror Vs. Fantasy, NaNoWriMo, Personal, Storytelling, Writing | Tagged Horror Vs. Fantasy, NaNoWriMo, Storytelling, Writing | 2 Comments

Soulcalibur 6 Custom Characters – (part 9)

Posted on August 27, 2022 by benjaminfrog

A collection of custom characters I designed using the Creation mode in Soulcalibur 6. As a fiction writer the Soulcalibur franchise has proven to be a useful tool for visualizing my characters and seeing what looks good and what doesn’t. All of these pictures however are just interpretations of others’ characters. Enjoy!

(To see some of these custom character creations in action, check out my YouTube channel playlist Soulcalibur VI Custom Character Battles)