After giving it some deep thought, I have compiled a list of all the letters of the English alphabet (upper and lower case) and listed them in order of how easy their shapes would be to use as guns. This is accounting for things like: how easy they would be to grip, the direction of recoil, whether or not there’s something obstructing your vision if you use the ironsight, and so on.
. . .
You find yourself in a gang fight in a movie with subtitles and you have to improvise.
So if, for example, the word “Jellyfish” appears at the bottom of the screen, you’re gonna want to grab the “f” and the “J”. But if a guy jumps at you and says, “Boo” then you’re tough out of luck. Your best bet is to repeatedly say, “Grrrrrr.”
In case you’re wondering why I scored “j” and “i” as low as I did, it’s because they’ve got those dots hovering right where the bullet comes out. If you’re lucky you may get a spray effect, but chances are you’ll hurt yourself.