I think I understand now why the show Phineas and Ferb appeals to me so much. It was my sister Anna who brought this show to my attention, most likely because she saw my personality in the character of Ferb Fletcher – the quiet, reserved, thoughtful, helpful, intelligent little brother with a pension for staring vacantly into the distance. And of course the show’s sense of humour and the ongoing rivalry between Perry and Doofenshmirtz got me hooked. People might be surprised to find that my favourite character on the show is actually Candace Flynn. Why?

I relate to the characters on this show because Candace and Ferb in particular represent this duality that I’ve discovered in myself. Yes, in most social environments I am very reserved, shy, and tend only to speak when I feel I have something significant to say, and because of this people often consider me to be a profound and deep thinker. What people don’t realize is that on the inside I’m more like Candace.

Watching Candace feels like watching my inner self, in a way. The over dramatic tendency to panic, the apparent A.D.H.D., the obsessing over completing a certain task, the infatuation with the opposite sex, the inexplicable appreciation for Ducky Momo… Switch the genders around and Candace feels almost like a mirror to myself. Whereas Ferb is more a reflection of how I actually interact with the world. They’re like two halves of a whole.

At my heart I’m this nervous, obsessive, insecure, hyperactive, over dramatic, easily distracted, hyper romantic, panicking teenager. But the rest of me is so naturally reserved that what actually comes out – what people actually see – is Ferb.

I have often been so excited about a new video game that I wanted to scream like a little girl – I just don’t have the vocal cords for it. I’ve also often felt unfit for society and wanted to make some dramatic change like run away and start a new life in the jungle and live with monkeys and have monkey kids and name them Xavier and Amanda. Plus, as an autistic I have always been intellectually ahead by several years, and socially behind by several years, and I always will be. So the fact that part of me still feels like a teenager isn’t a big shock.

Now I’ve got the Ducky Momo theme song stuck in my head.

Ben is out. Peace.