This is another message I sent out to some friends a few years ago. I’ve had a lot of struggles with identity and purpose over the years. This was an important step in the right direction. And the journey continues.
For a long time I have been afraid to make any sort of promise to God. I have a general fear of making promises, even ones I’m pretty sure I can keep, simply because I never know what will happen. Events are always out of my control. And I know what it feels like to be promised something, only to have the person go back on their word.
I have had the same reasoning about my service to God – I will do the best that I can, to the best of my ability, but I won’t make any promises. I won’t swear to always do what I am asked, only what I can do. (As if God would ask me to do more than I am capable of doing).
I have told God that I would follow Him all of my days, but I refused to make my servitude
a promise, in case something ever happened and I inadvertently broke that promise.
I have to ask myself: who’s honour am I really concerned about by not making promises to God? Is it for His honour, or mine?
There is a difference between serving your master as sacraficially as possible to gain
honour through it, and serving your master as sacraficially as possible for the
honour of your master and your master alone, with no regard to your own name.
The ultimate truth is that my name and my identity are not my own. Everything I am is a gift from God, He can take it all away should He choose to. Why do I act as though my reputation is something that I’ve earned? As though my name is my responsibility alone? Has not God provided not only the abilities but the opportunities to gain what reputation I have? Do I not owe Him everything? – Including my name?
Am I really in a place where I position God’s honour as a priority above my own? Am I in a place where I am willing to put my honour on the line for the sake of His? Am I in a place where I would willingly suffer dishonour if it will bring honour to Him?
I fear that if I make a promise to serve Him, and then break it, it will stain my honour. But if I fully surrender all that I am to God, I acknowledge that everything I am, including my name and my honour, belongs to God. I acknowledge also that I am not in control of things – God is. Would He then deliberately put me in a position where I have no choice but to break my promise to serve Him? As long as I fight for control of my life, and my honour, I am only trying to sail against the wind. When I acknowledge that all I am is His, and surrender it all to Him, then it will finally be used for the purposes He ultimately created it for.
My honour is not my own – my honour is in God’s hands, to break or mend as He sees fit.
Surrendered to Him, He will only use it in whatever way will bring Him the most glory and honour. If His honour is my greatest priority, then this is the only route to take.
It is time to stop being proud, to stop saying, “I am not good enough, therefore I promise
nothing.” God has not asked me to be anything more than what I am. So I now give Him all of what I am. What I can be is now in Hands.