Robert California’s Inquiry

(This post has been rated M for Mature.)

For those of you who are fans of the American version of The Office, you may recall that towards the end of Season 8 a drunken Robert California left Nellie Bertram a message on her phone which he cannot recall, but which contained a list of questions, which were believed to be sexually explicit. You may also recall that Nellie answered each of his questions in person with the answers “Yes”, “Yes”, “Yes”, “Yes” and “Never.”

The exact nature of Robert’s questions are a great mystery that has everybody making their own guesses. After giving it much thought I believe I have deciphered each of his questions. Here they are…

Question #1: Do your boobs hang low?

Question #2: Do they wobble to and fro?

Question #3: Can you tie them in a knot?

Question #4: Can you tie them in a bow?

Question #5: Can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier?

And then repeating the first question would have been redundant. Robert California doesn’t waste time.

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Drive – (a film review)

I get the impression that this was created to be a modern day Taxi Driver. Just remove half the letters and you’ve got the same title. The overall mood of this film and the character development feels similar.

This movie did it’s job of pulling me in right away, and didn’t let go. The music, atmosphere, character introduction and character development all captivated me. This is a classic there’s something wrong with that boy, but he sure can handle himself story. I like those stories, because I don’t quite fit social conventions myself, and I think most of us enjoy watching such characters because we all get tired of social convention at some point and like to watch someone stir things up. I want that jacket.

Of course, that’s only describing the first half of the movie. I’m not gonna tell you the plot. This is one of those stories that you need to experience one step at a time. You don’t need to know where you’re going, you just need to enjoy the ride. Although if you want to know where the movie starts at least then the term might be “heist film,” but that’s not an adequate summary of the movie as a whole.

Character development is done brilliantly, and every character has their unique role which they fulfill perfectly. No character is wasted, even when the scene isn’t really about them, they get the job done.

This probably doesn’t qualify as a SPOILER, but I’ll say the ALERT anyway. There’s a scene where this guy is telling his son the story of how he and his mother met, and it ends with, “And a year later, you popped out.” I burst out laughing. More stories should end with that line.

CAUTIONS:

When the violence eventually shows up it shows up in full force. There are a few scenes with some pretty graphic alterations being made to the human body. They are brief, but shocking.

There is the occasional strong language from characters in general, and then there is the occasional string of obscenities done by this one character in particular, just to show how much of an annoying turd he is. As a writing tactic I found this to be unique and effective in directing the audience’s impression of him.

There is one scene with boobage. There are no sexual activities occuring, the boobs are just there. It’s the dressing room at a strip-joint, so it at least fits the atmosphere.

On a Personal Note:

There’s so much about this movie that I appreciate as a writer. When people have asked me about the writing process I’ve often said that ideas start in my head as a specific thought, idea, emotion, and then a story gets built around that. I know exactly what I want the reader to think or feel about this particular character or scene, and then every decision I make about it is with that particular emotion in mind. Every time I think “Is this the right thing to do with this character” I ask myself “Will it help or hurt the particular feeling that I want people to have when they think of this character?” And then I know.

This sounds basic enough, but some writers are much better at this than others. Many tend to compromise the overall feel of their characters or scenes by including things that sound like a good idea on their own but don’t actually work with that character or scene. The writing/directing team on Drive knew exactly what emotion they wanted the audience to feel in every second of every scene, and then made the film exactly as needed in order to create the desired emotion – no compromise. Even the awkward pauses where nothing seems to be happening serve a specific intention. It felt like a conversation was happening between me and the film makers. Very inspiring.

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Autistic Love

I recently watched the film Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close for research purposes. I wasn’t expecting a major spiritual revelation to come about as a result of watching this, I just wanted to see their interpretation of Asperger’s Syndrome (“Disease” in the film) and see if I could recommend it as an accurate depiction. I had no idea what I was in for.

This post contains some SPOILERS for the movie, so if you’re planning on watching it because you know someone on the Autism spectrum then go and watch the movie first, then come back to this post and we’ll cry together. :’)

Things displayed by the child Oskar in the film which I could relate to both in my childhood and still in my adult life are: discomfort with loud noises, discomfort talking with people I don’t know, the need to analyze, fear of doing something wrong, fear of disapproval, and difficulty understanding/expressing emotions (other than frustration). In all of these categories I handle things significantly better now than when I was a child, at least in the sense that I can push past them for the most part to get done what needs to get done. There was some self-injury when I was a kid, but not since my teens. Temper tantrums were common as a child but declined as I matured, and today I can save my frustration to take out on virtual ninjas on the PS3.

Here’s where it gets emotional for me. There’s a scene where Oskar asks his mom, “I don’t tell you ‘I love you’ enough times, do I?” To which his mom proudly replies, “Yes, you do.”

Love is not completely foreign to me, but it is something I struggle with. It’s like Data from Star Trek: TNG, I don’t know that I can call it “love” but if a particular person were to suddenly be gone then I’d be keenly aware that something was missing.

For the first two decades of my life I never thought of my own mother as a person so much as something fulfilling the role of Mother. And even when I realized this, and felt that it was wrong, I didn’t know what I could do about it. I learned later on that she had actually been hiding her personality from the world – a personality which came out in recent years. We have a good friendship now. I realized that my misconception of her was not entirely the result of my autism, but I tend to assume that I’ve done something wrong.

After watching the movie I had dinner, finished off emails, kicked some ninja asses, then went to bed. It wasn’t until that quiet moment that I felt God say, “Do you get it now?”

I have some concerns about my Christian walk. There are plenty of commands about loving God with your whole being and above all else. But I don’t think I love God so much as I see him as something fulfilling the role of God, without which something would be missing. But I highly doubt that recognizing the necessity of a person or thing is the same as love. So I question that I’m really doing this Christian thing the way that I’m supposed to.

God spoke to me through the love of Oskar’s mother. She knows he tries, she knows he fails, she still loves him. He doesn’t think he’s enough, she says he is. He promises to be “normal”, that’s the last thing she wants. He says something hateful then comes back with “I didn’t really mean that” – she says “Yes you did” and loves him anyway.

I wish I were at the point that I could clearly see and love God’s personality, rather than simply express gratitude for what he’s done for me. But I no longer feel condemned for being where I am right now. God knows my weaknesses, he knows my heart, and he loves me anyway.

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Multiply

Multiply

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Milestone

The number of hits on my blog just reached OVER 9,000!!!

Over 9000

Thank you to everyone who helped me to reach this milestone. : )

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My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad

I was originally gonna post this collection on Father’s Day, but then I thought I should post it a few days early so people can find it and share anything they like. I did quite a few of these, so hopefully you’ll find at least one that relates to a special dude in your life. 🙂

Happy Father’s Day!

Dalek Dad Dad Borg. Star TrekDad Buu. Dragon BallDad Facehugger AlienGandalf the Dad. LOTRDad Sauron. LOTRDad JokerDad Shang Tsung. Mortal KombatDad Agent Smith. The MatrixDad TerminatorDad KirbyDad Sigmund FreudDad Luke Skywalker. Star Wars

Part 2

Part 3

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Versatility

Assuming I’ve got this right, the objective is to thank the person who tagged me, tell seven random things about myself that I haven’t mentioned already, then tag seven other bloggers. But because I lack the social graces to know how to meme other bloggers unawkwardly, I’ll just tag Cathy Dyck again for sending me this, thank her for the nomination 🙂 and proceed with the random information.

  1. I don’t really like the sound of my own voice, but I like the sound of my ideas. So writing is pretty well-suited to me.
  2. I don’t know if I qualify as a “Trekkie” because I’m exclusively Next Generation. I find that no other iteration of Star Trek has the same character dynamics, and therefore, doesn’t appeal to me.
  3. I’m a chronic burper.
  4. I train my Pokemon with an emphasis on versatility. I assign their attacks based on what will enable each of them to be super-effective against as many opponents as possible. This is mainly in preparation for scenarios where switching Pokemon in the middle of a fight would be hindered.
  5. I like cheese squares best when they’ve been out for a while in a hot room and start to sweat. Mmmmm.
  6. The results from my G.O.A.T. (Generalized Occupational Aptitude Test) on Fallout 3 came out as Marriage Counselor.
  7. When I first got onto Facebook, for a short time under “Political Views” I put “Relative”, and had this long explanation of how labeling my views as either Conservative or Liberal would really depend on the views of whoever is observing me at the time. For example, most people would probably consider my dresscode to be Conservative, but would likely not have the same opinion of my hair. Therefore I could be seen as being on either side of the spectrum depending entirely on who’s asking. Then I realized that I was spending a really long time explaining why filling in the information was pointless, deleted the whole thing and replaced it with “I’m Batman.”
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Super Math

Batman

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Little Big Planet 2 – (month 16)

Let’s see, what have I done since my last update?

 

My Barbarian can bleed now. He had been programmed from early on to have his heart beat faster as he gets close to death, but in the chaos of battle I’ve often found that heartbeats are hard to hear and I figured a visual aid would help, so now he also bleeds out faster as he’s about to die. It also makes pretty patterns on the arena floor as I run frantically around my enemies. : ) I think the next advancement from there will be an optional upgrade that makes him bleed acid or scorpion venom.

 

I updated my zombies to lose their arms and heads as they take damage. I’ve added Kung Fu fists as an optional attack, which work similarly to the regular fists but are accompanied with realistic Kung Fu noises, which sound like infuriated monkeys. I’ve also added lightning bolt attacks, which when at full power kind of make my Barbarian feel like The Emperror.

 

I’ve finally added a princess to the adventure mode – Futurama’s Princess Num Num, who can either follow you around adoringly or be eaten to restore your health. Having now seen a few episodes of Adventure Time with Finn and Jake, I’m thinking I would like to have a variety of princesses with different powers, like ghost princesses and zombie bride princesses. We’ll see how far inspiration takes me though. Most will likely end up being food.

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Ingredients

Tomboy

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